Generally speaking, I'm a pretty smart girl. I can't do math in my head and I ended up in Cleveland once on my way home to Dayton -- from Columbus -- but outside of arithmetic and geography I can pretty much hold my own.
But tonight some flaky girl I hardly know made a comment on my Facebook page about how she doesn't "get girls who like sports." Aside from being a weirdly rude thing to write on the Facebook page of someone -- a girl -- you barely know and who clearly likes sports, I realized I'm completely confused by girls who don't like sports. Not offended by them or anything (except for maybe that one), but just sort of sad for them.
So then I started thinking about other things that confuse me.
In no particular order and hardly exhaustive, here is my list. I should note, most of these apply directly to me.
People who call in to a hotline to vote "I have no opinion on that."
People who say "It's me" when they call or leave a voice mail. (I do this at least once a day.)
When traffic cops stand in the middle of an intersection at rush hour and just tell people to go with the light.
Magnets that don't hold anything on the refrigerator.
Bad, seriously bad, television. The people who watch it, the people who make it, the people who "act" in it, all of it very, very bad.
People who don't get just a little bit, just the slightest tinge of, melancholy at the holidays.
Fat people who come to the gym just to go tanning.
How all church people can sing.
Why I hate wearing pantyhose, except for those first few seconds when I'm pulling them on. For those few seconds, I feel more like a woman than almost any other time. It's one of the most feminine, timeless things you can do, really.
How quickly I can get over that femininity by cussing like a sailor when I put them on wrong and they're all twisted around my calf like a tourniquet and I have them on differently than the last time I wore them so the toes are funky and backwards. Why they can’t put a clearly marked tag in pantyhose? Every other piece of clothing has a designated front and back.
How I have the same body loathing complex I did in high school, only NOW I look at pictures of myself from THEN and realize I weighed 7 pounds LESS than my current goal weight.
The expression "It is what it is." That just seems like an unhelpful waste of breath.
People who don't understand the depth of Jimmy Buffett, the soul of Joe vs. the Volcano, or why sports are so fucking awesome.
Michigan fans, Red Sox fans, and people who hate New York City.
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3 comments:
I will have to give this some thought - I don't come up with things as quick as you do - but I just know I'll have some things to add to this list! Very funny!
1) why people think it is ok to clip their finger nails on the subway/bus/other extremely public place.
2) 3D movies. Until we figure out how to watch a 3D movie without those stupid glasses, I will NOT pay 16 dollars unless milk duds are included with the ticket.
3) why it costs about the same amount to take amtrak as it would to fly. really?
What confuses me are yankees fans(Im a redsox fan) And why women don't like Pantyhose?? They are so hot and sexy!I'm sure you would look great in them. Would love to see you putting a pair on. It is very feminine(?) and of course sexy as hell....Thanks for the post.
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