Okay. It's very late. For a school night, anyway. The past few nights I've fallen asleep blissfully doped up on Nyquil, but I have a tiny little addiction problem, so I'm not letting myself take any tonight, and it's not going well so far. Plus I drank it all last night, so... there you go.
Went to see He's Just Not That Into You tonight. I actually loved it. (Actually. Who am I kidding here, actually. Is there actually anyone out there who didn't think this shit was written for a girl like me?) I am completely - and I'm not kidding here, people, completely - PMSing. So it wasn't pretty. The only thing that might get me to sleep tonight is the promise of seeing Bradley Cooper again very soon, and very naked. But that's not really the point here.
I don't know what the point is here. I keep typing and deleting, typing and deleting. So maybe I'm not quite ready to delve into all this.
I keep wanting to share my funny, sad stories from this whole new world of online dating with you, but then I feel bad about it when it really comes time to share. Or maybe I feel vulnerable, because really these guys are just trying to do the same thing I am, so it makes me wonder what that says about me. Or I'm worried about killing any shred of dating karma I might have left if I sacrifice them up as entertainment. (Don't get me wrong. It would probably be worth it. This is some crazy stuff... remind me some other time to tell you about Chester. I'd even post his picture - just to make sure you got the full effect - only I'm pretty sure that's illegal. And, you know, immoral. And kind of mean. Anyway.)
And I don't know what my story is yet. Which makes it hard to tell.
I think I'm all those girls, in some way or another. The one who holds on too long. The one who tries too hard. The one who looks the other way. The one who doesn't want what she's got.
That's a lot of girls all wrapped up in this one. And he's not into any of me, hot mess that I am. So what do I do? Someday I'll let go. And stop trying. And see him for what he is. And want what's right in front of me.
Won't I?
Or, more likely, I'll reread this, realize I sound like a crazed Carrie Bradshaw without the staff of great writers or the killer shoes, switch to Robitussin because it's all that's left in the medicine cabinet, and not keep Bradley waiting any longer.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, February 6, 2009
26-50.
Because who's only got 25 random things to say about themselves, really?
Plus this is three blog entries in a row for me, and that, my friends, is record-setting.
26. I still wish for him on every eyelash.
27. I procrastinate.
28. My name is Jessica Elizabeth. I have a sister named Jessica, and a sister named Elizabeth. (And a brother named Josh, but that's not really thematic. Except that his girlfriend's name is Liz.)
29. I have never used my passport.
30. I have an unhealthy body image.
31. I've been to Wyoming twice, for unrelated weddings.
32. Most of my possessions are split between two basements - my dad's in Ohio and my ex-boyfriend's best friend's in New York.
33. I'm wondering if it'll seem egotistical that I'm writing list number two.
34. I like going to movies by myself.
35. My boss calls me snarky.
36. When I was little I told everyone my favorite movie was "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."
37. I drink a lot of wine, but never red, even though I know it would be better for me.
38. I've seen two babies be born.
39. I hope I don't live in New Jersey forever, but I have no idea where to go next.
40. I've internet dated. Unsuccessfully, so far, anyway.
41. Sometimes I recite the words to movies along with the actors, even though I know it's annoying.
42. I wish I was more sophisticated.
43. I take a lot of notes.
44. I don't miss acting as much as I thought I would.
45. I miss my family more.
46. I worry that my life looks like this right now because of karma. I laugh at a lot of people.
47. I hate being naked.
48. My grandmothers are the two most amazing, frustrating, awe-inspiring women I know.
49. I'm terrified of getting old.
50. I'm realizing a second list was probably pretty much overkill.
Plus this is three blog entries in a row for me, and that, my friends, is record-setting.
26. I still wish for him on every eyelash.
27. I procrastinate.
28. My name is Jessica Elizabeth. I have a sister named Jessica, and a sister named Elizabeth. (And a brother named Josh, but that's not really thematic. Except that his girlfriend's name is Liz.)
29. I have never used my passport.
30. I have an unhealthy body image.
31. I've been to Wyoming twice, for unrelated weddings.
32. Most of my possessions are split between two basements - my dad's in Ohio and my ex-boyfriend's best friend's in New York.
33. I'm wondering if it'll seem egotistical that I'm writing list number two.
34. I like going to movies by myself.
35. My boss calls me snarky.
36. When I was little I told everyone my favorite movie was "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas."
37. I drink a lot of wine, but never red, even though I know it would be better for me.
38. I've seen two babies be born.
39. I hope I don't live in New Jersey forever, but I have no idea where to go next.
40. I've internet dated. Unsuccessfully, so far, anyway.
41. Sometimes I recite the words to movies along with the actors, even though I know it's annoying.
42. I wish I was more sophisticated.
43. I take a lot of notes.
44. I don't miss acting as much as I thought I would.
45. I miss my family more.
46. I worry that my life looks like this right now because of karma. I laugh at a lot of people.
47. I hate being naked.
48. My grandmothers are the two most amazing, frustrating, awe-inspiring women I know.
49. I'm terrified of getting old.
50. I'm realizing a second list was probably pretty much overkill.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
I Am the Most Popular Girl On This Blog
So yesterday's post invoked a flurry of activity and outrage from those fan(s) of mine who either aren't cool enough to be on Facebook, or just aren't cool enough to be my friend on Facebook.
After much* demand, here is MY previously posted list of 25 Random Things.
*much is a relative term.
25. I have a cat named Bunker, who currently lives with his grandparents and kitty cousin.
24. I say 'literally' way more often than is actually appropriate. Or true.
23. I don't take criticism very well, because I'm too sensitive and I take everything really personally.
22. I love to read. Anything. Almost.
21. After eight years in New York City, I love it. But I'm worn out. It will always be a part of me, but I don't think it will ever be home.
20. I have no willpower.
19. I rode a motorcycle once at well over 100 miles an hour, without a helmet. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.
18. If I have daughters I already know what I will name them.
17. I sometimes worry that I haven't made very good use of my life so far.
16. I'm hardly ever attracted to people -- very picky, thanks to some amazing, wonderful exes -- but when I fall in love it's hard and fast.
15. My favorite place in the world (aside from home) is a tiny island off the coast of the Outer Banks.
14. I'm technically an only child, but I have 3 younger siblings. They are all very different. I adore them. I miss them more and more as they become these amazing young adults with families of their own.
13. I wonder if I'll ever make (another) movie, write a book, or marry well (again).
12. I wonder what I'll have for dinner.
11. I've been skydiving.
10. I am a Buckeye, a Yankee, and a wannabe southern belle.
9. I am an unapologetic Parrot Head.
8. I once spent New Years Eve in Times Square… handing out Listerine Pocket Packs.
7. I never cook.
6. I think I'm getting smarter, finally. Or at least more… aware.
5. I try really hard to make people laugh. Sometimes I try too hard and suck, but sometimes I can do it.
4. I am blessed with the most amazing, influential, capable, drop-dead gorgeous, motivating, supportive, hysterically funny, no-bullshit, inspiring group of best girlfriends you could even imagine. Literally.
3. I should be working right now.
2. This has taken me a really ridiculously long time.
1. I will always be daddy's girl.
After much* demand, here is MY previously posted list of 25 Random Things.
*much is a relative term.
25. I have a cat named Bunker, who currently lives with his grandparents and kitty cousin.
24. I say 'literally' way more often than is actually appropriate. Or true.
23. I don't take criticism very well, because I'm too sensitive and I take everything really personally.
22. I love to read. Anything. Almost.
21. After eight years in New York City, I love it. But I'm worn out. It will always be a part of me, but I don't think it will ever be home.
20. I have no willpower.
19. I rode a motorcycle once at well over 100 miles an hour, without a helmet. It still makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.
18. If I have daughters I already know what I will name them.
17. I sometimes worry that I haven't made very good use of my life so far.
16. I'm hardly ever attracted to people -- very picky, thanks to some amazing, wonderful exes -- but when I fall in love it's hard and fast.
15. My favorite place in the world (aside from home) is a tiny island off the coast of the Outer Banks.
14. I'm technically an only child, but I have 3 younger siblings. They are all very different. I adore them. I miss them more and more as they become these amazing young adults with families of their own.
13. I wonder if I'll ever make (another) movie, write a book, or marry well (again).
12. I wonder what I'll have for dinner.
11. I've been skydiving.
10. I am a Buckeye, a Yankee, and a wannabe southern belle.
9. I am an unapologetic Parrot Head.
8. I once spent New Years Eve in Times Square… handing out Listerine Pocket Packs.
7. I never cook.
6. I think I'm getting smarter, finally. Or at least more… aware.
5. I try really hard to make people laugh. Sometimes I try too hard and suck, but sometimes I can do it.
4. I am blessed with the most amazing, influential, capable, drop-dead gorgeous, motivating, supportive, hysterically funny, no-bullshit, inspiring group of best girlfriends you could even imagine. Literally.
3. I should be working right now.
2. This has taken me a really ridiculously long time.
1. I will always be daddy's girl.
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
25 Random Things About Other People
So, as you Facebook friendly folks know, there is a craze just sweeping the site: a tagged note of "25 Random Things" that has proven, for me at least, to be a completely wonderful, entertaining insight into the friends I know really well, and the ones I don't. (Even the Times is getting in on the story.)
I talk a lot about my amazing friends, and how they've sustained me over the years. See for yourself -- 25 poignant little hysterically heartbreaking insights into the people in my life...
12. I love interesting people. Hence, my BFF Libby. She is insane about cleaning. She once came to visit and reorganized my entire closet. I was so thankful to have such a friend! She also informed me that I had 16 pairs of jeans.
10. My husband is laughing at me right now... shouting out ideas for this stupid list.
21. When I was in high school, my family planted a tree in a park in remembrance of my grandfather. In 2002, my now husband took me to a park named after his grandmother. It was the same park.
3. I am STILL hopelessly terrified of the band KISS, the Incredible Hulk and making my parents mad.
3. Being pregnant has made me appreciate my mother more.
17. i don't like taking out the garbage or filling the ice cube tray so i don't do either.
21. I'm really good at getting the job. I'm really bad at keeping it.
20. I stay in touch with all my ex girlfriends... except for one. I adore all of them... except for one.
23. My secret dream in life is to be a writer. My secret fear is that no one would be interested in what I would write.
10. I'm a card-carrying Feminist, but I've always wanted a fairy-tale wedding.
3. I rarely write a FB status because I would rather just read Jessica Stone's.
24. My husband is my best friend and favorite person in the world, but I still couldn't tell you his favorite snack or what he would order at a restaurant.
2. I believe in love at first sight.
19. I like living in Los Angeles, but I'm madly in love with New York City.
6. Twenty FIVE random things? I'm getting a little tired of working on this.
17. i killed my hamster snowball when i was 7. it was an accident. i wanted a dog. my parents wouldn't get me one. so i took snowball for a walk. i tied the rope around his neck a little too tight, and well-- that was it for snowball. terrible. i am still scarred.
10. not an hour goes by that i don't think of my mom.
21. I once attended a “Felicity” series finale viewing party. That’s still the gayest thing I’ve ever done.
24) I spend $2 a week on Lotto.
6) I wish my family lived closer to me, but not that I lived closer to my family. If that makes sense.
11. My husband says that I have a secret boyfriend. He lives in my freezer and he calls him GG. (grey goose) but he's no good to me without olives.
10. I am COMPLETELY different than I was in high school. Thank God.
11) I ran my parents around the world three times over in my childhood, but I think it was good for them.
17. I wonder nearly every day if living where I do is worth all the things I'm sacrificing to be here.
10. I'm strong enough to be alone, I'm just not very good at it.
I talk a lot about my amazing friends, and how they've sustained me over the years. See for yourself -- 25 poignant little hysterically heartbreaking insights into the people in my life...
12. I love interesting people. Hence, my BFF Libby. She is insane about cleaning. She once came to visit and reorganized my entire closet. I was so thankful to have such a friend! She also informed me that I had 16 pairs of jeans.
10. My husband is laughing at me right now... shouting out ideas for this stupid list.
21. When I was in high school, my family planted a tree in a park in remembrance of my grandfather. In 2002, my now husband took me to a park named after his grandmother. It was the same park.
3. I am STILL hopelessly terrified of the band KISS, the Incredible Hulk and making my parents mad.
3. Being pregnant has made me appreciate my mother more.
17. i don't like taking out the garbage or filling the ice cube tray so i don't do either.
21. I'm really good at getting the job. I'm really bad at keeping it.
20. I stay in touch with all my ex girlfriends... except for one. I adore all of them... except for one.
23. My secret dream in life is to be a writer. My secret fear is that no one would be interested in what I would write.
10. I'm a card-carrying Feminist, but I've always wanted a fairy-tale wedding.
3. I rarely write a FB status because I would rather just read Jessica Stone's.
24. My husband is my best friend and favorite person in the world, but I still couldn't tell you his favorite snack or what he would order at a restaurant.
2. I believe in love at first sight.
19. I like living in Los Angeles, but I'm madly in love with New York City.
6. Twenty FIVE random things? I'm getting a little tired of working on this.
17. i killed my hamster snowball when i was 7. it was an accident. i wanted a dog. my parents wouldn't get me one. so i took snowball for a walk. i tied the rope around his neck a little too tight, and well-- that was it for snowball. terrible. i am still scarred.
10. not an hour goes by that i don't think of my mom.
21. I once attended a “Felicity” series finale viewing party. That’s still the gayest thing I’ve ever done.
24) I spend $2 a week on Lotto.
6) I wish my family lived closer to me, but not that I lived closer to my family. If that makes sense.
11. My husband says that I have a secret boyfriend. He lives in my freezer and he calls him GG. (grey goose) but he's no good to me without olives.
10. I am COMPLETELY different than I was in high school. Thank God.
11) I ran my parents around the world three times over in my childhood, but I think it was good for them.
17. I wonder nearly every day if living where I do is worth all the things I'm sacrificing to be here.
10. I'm strong enough to be alone, I'm just not very good at it.
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