Lost in Translation

Boys think girls don’t listen. It’s just not true. We do. We do listen. We hear. Every. Single. Word. Even the ones (especially the ones?) you don’t even remember saying. The issue - “problem” if you will; flaw if you must - is that we listen, we listen to every single word... and then we keep going. You think you’re speaking clearly. Speaking complete sentences and everything. You think, what is there to decode? I’m not speaking in code. We beg to differ. In fact, we’re so sure you’re speaking in code and maybe just a little tiny bit too stupid to know it that we go ahead and code it up for you, so we can decode it for you. We’re all too happy to complicate. Analyze. Overthink. You’re welcome. Some examples. Some obviously arbitrary, pulled-from-thin-air examples.

You’re so great. I’m just afraid I’m going to hurt you.
What girl hears: You’re so great. I’m just afraid I’m going to hurt you as all the overwhelming emotion I feel for you comes bursting out of me like a sunbeam. 
What boy means: I am going to hurt you.

Seriously, you are great. I really like you.
What girl hears: Seriously, you are great. I really like you because I think you might be the one. 
What boy means: I am going to hurt you, but I’ll probably feel deeply sorry about it.

God you’re sexy.
What girl hears: God you’re sexy. You definitely should not lose that last 8 pounds that you’re obsessed with. I will never look at another woman again for the rest of my life, unless it’s to compare her unfavorably to you. 
What boy means: Fuck me.

We have the most amazing chemistry.
What girl hears: We have the most amazing chemistry. It’s clear we are supposed to be together, monogamously and forever. 
What boy means: Fuck me, please?

You should come over.
What girl hears: You should come over. I love spending time with you and it would be so great just to have you near me, to be able to talk and learn about each other on a deeper level. 
What boy means: You are next on my list.

I’m sorry.
What girl hears: This was a trick. Even girls aren’t stupid enough to believe this one. 
What boy means: I’m not sure what I did to piss you off but I’m willing to say what I think you want to hear if it means you’ll chill the fuck out and stop yelling at me.

I can’t believe we can have such a good time without even drinking.
What girl hears: I can’t believe we have such a good time without even drinking. It’s like our souls are connected to one another and we are drunk on love. It would be cheesy, except that it’s true. 
What boy means: I would really love a beer right now.

You’ve put a spell on me.
What girl hears: You’ve put a spell on me. You are magical. Ethereal. I literally couldn’t have dreamed you more perfectly. 
What boy means: Is there such thing as a sex coma?

Anything at all with the word “relationship” in it.
What girl hears: This is a relationship. 
What boy means: Boy has no idea what that word means. But whatever you do, girl, don’t you be the one to say it. Boy will flip out and run, literally run, away from you.


So really. I think it’s clear who’s at fault here, in this epic planet-spanning communications breakdown between us. I think it all comes down to this: if a boy tells you he’s going to hurt you, believe him. If he tells you you’re the best, believe him. Because he probably will. And you probably are.