enough.

sometimes, most of the time really, when i write a blog it just pours out in one giant puddle. sometimes the idea will spark, and i'll just start free writing a draft so i don't lose my train of thought, then i'll come back and try to piece them together into some semblance of a story. today was more of a free writing kind of day, but i don't want to come back to this. so below is a little insight into a writer's first stage, into a girl's point of view on a pointless tragedy, into what happens before the red pen when emotion is just unedited, thoughtful emotion. i know it won't be for everyone, and i know it's not polished or well thought out. neither of those things have ever stopped me from running my mouth before, nor, clearly, will they now.

thoughts and prayers are not enough.
facebook statuses and cover photos and comments are not enough.
tv coverage is not enough.
a telethon, a celebrity concert, a ribbon on a dress is not enough. 
one stupid silly blog post is not enough. 

this is not a natural disaster. it's not a human accident.
this was a choice, not that someone was allowed to make, but that someone was empowered to make.

the definition of insanity is not men like this - which i say only because it's only been men, boys really, so far - who do these things. it's the rest of us who cluck and tsk and cover our mouths with our hands as we watch the news, as we demand action and change and something different and more and better for our children, and then we change the channel and it's gone until it's back.

our president called for "meaningful action." pick what means something to you. replace "newtown, ct" with YOUR home. imagine the news trucks and the police presence and your neighbors. if this happened in centerville, i would be there. go to the darkest side for a moment. go all the way to that side. tell yourself you're next. picture your children's kindergarten classroom. picture your own freshman homeroom. who sat next to you then? who do your kids paint with now? aren't we past the platitudes of "you just never expect it to happen here, in this kind of place, to you." does that sort of elitist naivete really still exist?

the second amendment was adopted ON THIS DAY, December 15, 1791. do you think this is what they had in mind? these inconceivable guns that rob human lives and innocence in fractions of a second, not even giving the most ill person a moment to think to themselves, amidst the chaos and noise, "what am i doing to the world?" these guns that land, not in the hands of militia or protectors or even sportsmen, but in the hands of the angry, the sick, the vengeful, the forgotten, the left behind, the misguided, the self-righteous?

at that time, it took an approximate, estimated 45 seconds for a trained, skilled shooter to load a muzzled rifle. most of the TWENTY children shot yesterday morning were probably already dead in 45 seconds.

people say it's not the time for politics. i understand the sentiment, and i respectfully disagree. if you want to affect change, you need to do it when people are paying attention. and as horrible as yesterday was, as glued as we all may be to cnn or msnbc tonight, tomorrow we'll watch something else. i'll probably watch a bad mel gibson movie, because that's how i tend to abuse my sundays when there's nothing more pressing to do and no one around to stop me. my friends with kids will probably be wrapping presents or baking something or wrapping baked stuff or whatever you people do the week before christmas.

no one in that town will be baking today. no one will be christmas shopping. those chores, those tasks we'll roll our eyes at and say we wish were already done? they don't get to do those things. they would probably give anything to be braving the mall traffic today. spending a little too much money. reprimanding themselves for the "one for you, two for me" approach to gift giving. from now on, this will cease to be a time of celebration for 26 families. it will be a time of grieving, of remembering, of questioning, of yearning. "sending our love," let's be honest, won't ease that pain. won't lessen the grief. not today. not a five-year-old's lifetime from now.

you need to talk to your mayor. you need to learn about the brady center. you need to take about 15 seconds to sign the online petition for gun control. now. we need to stop expecting this, and stop accepting this. something has to change for it to be different. that's just good common sense. we are better than this. 

how long will it take us to fix it?

some brightside words of brilliance and light and harsh truth on my facebook feed this morning:
"there is something heroic about joy."
"we are all asking God how He could let this happen. I think God is asking us the same question."
"there is still good in the world. go find it today. find it fast."