Another Shining Example of When Mean Is Funny

Okay, sometimes, something comes along that's just too remarkably inappropriate NOT to share.
Like this IM, for example.
Backstory: Somehow or another, my favorite co-workers launched into a debate some time ago about which would be better/worse -- a guy with a limp, or a guy with a lisp. It's important work we do here, people.
So, lo and behold, into our trap of an office today walks an unsuspecting lisper.
The following ensued. Names have been omitted, because... well, obviously, because.

[2:16PM] Red: are you sure this poor guy doesn't make you want to rethink the whole lisp vs. limp thing?

[2:17PM] Blue: ok, a little- if i had to choose between a HOT guy with a limp vs. a HOT guy with a lisp- i would still go lisp- i didn't even consider the utter geek factor

[2:17PM] Blue: is it to be assumed that but limpy and lispy are ugly geeks?

[2:17PM] Red: but a HOT guy with a liMp you could just make up a really cool story -- like he used to be a gansta or something

[2:17PM] Red: hot guy with a liSp there's no good story for

[2:18PM] Red: just lazy mouth

[2:18PM] Blue: but a hot guy with a lisp would be sentive and not full of himself

[2:18PM] Blue: i like to be slightly better than the person i'm dating

[2:18PM] Blue: just enough

[2:18PM] Red: you'd have to keep your tongue in his mouth all the time

[2:18PM] Blue: fine with me

[2:18PM] Red: how does --- feel about that?!

[2:18PM] Red: the better than part, not the tongue in mouth part

[2:18PM] Blue: great question

[2:19PM] Blue: he thinks he is really unattractive

[2:19PM] Blue: which he clearly is not

[2:19PM] Red: best if he stays in the dark

[2:19PM] Blue: exactly!

[2:19PM] Red: you have more control that way

[2:19PM] Red: in fact you might want to start making subtle comments

[2:19PM] Blue: now, if he developed a lisp, i would have to leave him

[2:20PM] Red: WHAT? you're swapping sides

[2:20PM] Blue: limp - questionable

[2:20PM] Blue: fair weather fan

[2:20PM] Blue: indeed

[2:20PM] Red: if --- all of a sudden developed a limp, you'd still think he was cute. if he all of a sudden developed a lisp, i'm sorry, i don't care what you say, you'd think he was gay

[2:21PM] Blue: ha

[2:21PM] Blue: would the limp affect his performance in bed?

[2:21PM] Red: in bed, no. in other places, it's a definite possibility.

[2:22PM] Blue: hmm- what about the lisp in bed? that might be more of a problem

[2:22PM] Blue: no talking

[2:22PM] Blue: allowed

[2:22PM] Red: exactly. if you laugh too hard when you're having sex it falls out

[2:22PM] Red: i'm serious

[2:22PM] Red: it pushes

[2:22PM] Blue: and scene

Bottoms Up

The guy across from me on the train this morning was drinking a beer.
Now, in the spirit of full disclosure, I should point out that I'm not usually coming in to work before the sun is up, or even with that over-eager/-dressed crowd of Financial District folk. But, generally speaking, I do aim for getting to the office before lunch, and, by default, well before any acceptable happy hour.
He wasn't homeless (appearing, anyway), and he wasn't drunk (acting, anyway). There really wasn't anything particularly interesting about him at all, except for the beer.
He clearly wasn't ashamed, as said beer was right on his lap for any straggling commuter to see - not even a paper bag for discretion's sake.
Obviously, for him, a pre-ten-a.m. beer was just how he needed to start the day. Like a good stretch. Or a gulp of orange juice, with a kick and a bit of an aftertaste.
It made me sad.
You're probably waiting for the joke, since I am a sarcastic, kind of mean-spirited person.
But, sincerely, it made me feel sad.
This wasn't a celebratory beer. Last Saturday was the St. Patricks Day festival in Hoboken, and there was a LOT of
mid-morning beer being consumed. That was a little immature, but it wasn't sad. By the end of the night it was grossly immature, but still -- not sad. Annoying, for us of a certain age. Not sad.
Is life so hard right now that the only way to even get moving is to get numb?
It's Tuesday. It's March. That means the toughest day of the week is done for a few more days, and the toughest part of the year is as well.
I thought maybe it was because of the economy... a recession beer. (Because isn't the economy a perfectly convenient scapegoat for every bad attitude and behavior these days.) But then I thought, well that's just silly. Beer is really expensive around here. And this wasn't a Pabst or anything. It wasn't even a can. This was good, bottled stuff. So it's tough to justify by means of financial depression.
I don't know why I'm trying to justify it anyway. He didn't make me drink it. He didn't spill any of it on me. I just tend to be overly concerned with things that aren't any of my business.
Come to think of it, there's not even a point -- or a conclusion, really -- to this story.
I just wish I knew his story. Or, I wish I knew his story was a happy one.